Today, a good friend of mine confessed, “I don’t really know what dating is.” First off, I consider this medical student friend educated, mature, and pretty put together. I shared some of my thoughts based on my experiences and mentioned the “3 P’s of Dating”; 1)Planning, Paying, and Pairing (https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng).
Later, I read a blog posted by Elizabeth about our
relationship. Mostly, Beth wrote about how she was so proud of the normal we
have established. I am too.
Mostly, however, I’m thankful for the normal we established
when we were dating. I didn’t realize it then but all the planning, and the
paying, and the pairing was preparing us for all that we have now – which I
love.
Beth also posed a question in her blog that I’d like to take
a moment to address, “Normal to me is Devon being gone all
except an hour a night for dinner, staying up until midnight to clean and
prepare for the next day and being in a constant state of zombie like
tiredness. Is that normal? I hope it isn’t the normal I will be embracing for
the rest of my life, but maybe for the next few years, but what do I know?”
http://elizabethkienzle.blogspot.com/
. Unfortunately, I think that
this may very well be a close variation to the normal we will have for the rest
of our lives.
As I look at how my life has progressed I can see certain
landmarks;
- Preparing for a mission (hard),
- Going on a mission (harder),
- Finding/Convincing a special lady to marry me (very harder),
- Finishing School/Having Children/Mother’s death/MCAT/bishopric calling (wow that was intense),
- Figuring out how to sustain and progress after school/2 jobs/applying to medical school/second child/owning a home/selling a home/moving (It all seemed pretty summative at this point) (for some reason that was intenser)
- Start medical school/study/study/study/study/family/family/family/daily scripture study/family prayers/church callings/ “Beth’s Normal” (Oh my goodness I can hardly handle the intensity!)
It seems clear that although our
normal has gotten more dynamic (It seems harder but I don’t feel like that is
the right word) and has molded our expectations it has also gotten inexplicably
and exponentially much better. Years ago I “learned” the following principle
that I’ve been understanding more and more, “the
more faithful service you give, the more the Lord asks of you. Your smile is a
happy one because you know that He increases our power to carry the heavier
load.” (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/o-ye-that-embark?lang=eng.)
I think that Henry Eyring was
trying to tell Elizabeth and me that, as we serve God and choose the right, our
normal is going to get better and better – in a very dynamic and more
exhausting way. And I hope it does!
Back to my friend’s comment,
dating is the thing we do that readies us to spend an eternity with someone you
can and get to love. If planned properly, it prepares us to dedicate our lives
to each other, to our children, and to the service of others. I’ll close with a story and a lesson.
When Beth turned 18 I planned an extra-ordinary date. I
wanted to make her feel special. We went on a sea plane ride over Seattle. We
went to Pike’s Place Market. And we went to the most expensive restaurant I
could find (which was a really dumb idea ;) ). I used to joke that if I wanted
her to be available after my mission I would have to be impressive enough to
not compare to the competitors. What I
didn’t realize then is that I wasn’t impressing her (if anything she thought I
was ridiculous). I was paying for
our future. I was preparing a foundation for an eternal pair. Through all the elaborate and special dates I planned, a
picnic at Poulsbo bay, a hike with a steak dinner at the end, a walk through a
park, a Mariners’ game, a trip to the pound, star-gazing, or a drive to the
temple I was preparing for a future normal that would become something that I
could have never anticipated. We were getting to know each other and establishing
our priorities (like my mission and our church service). We were deciding what
normal would be in our futures. And it turns out that I also love our normal!
And I love how we’ve continued to define with the things that matter most;
family and service to others. I love our zombie like tiredness.
Elizabeth, if I can wake up every day
next to you, and if we both wake up tired, droopy eyed, sore, and exhausted –
with just enough energy to roll out of bed and on to our knees for our morning
prayers - I promise that I will have a spectacularly cheesy smile on my face
because I get to spend another normal
morning with you. I know that our faithful service to the everlasting covenant
which we’ve made with each other will allow Him to change our hearts to fit us
for a celestial companionshiphttps. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/o-ye-that-embark?lang=eng&query=easier,
. Thank you for continuing to help my heart change.
